Can I be honest for a minute? I’m feeling a little empty.
Now, let me clarify so this doesn’t get twisted and turned into something its not.
My marriage is amazing. My kids are too. Our life is pretty incredible. We are surrounded by people who love us. We’re growing together more and more each day.
Our church is growing as well. The new faces we welcome each week with the yearning to learn more is refreshing. Our leaders and members are excited, on fire and on mission.
Our daily life is chaotic. I wake, get myself ready, help my husband get the boys ready and out the door, I rush to work. I sit at a desk, inside a cubicle and count the minutes til 5pm. I rush home to see my three smiling guys, cook/pick up dinner, rush to baseball, to church, to wherever. Sometime around 9pm after putting the boys to bed, we collapse on the couch, talk about our days, our gripes, our accomplishments, our ideas and then we crash.
I’ve always worked. Since I was 12yrs old in fact. I’ve merited myself on my work ethic and striving to be the best in whatever I’m doing. I was fulfilled by it.
Not so much anymore.
I hate leaving the house each morning. I hate not being home when the boys skip off the bus. I hate leaving my husband buried in emails and nonsense that I could surely take off his plate.
I feel empty rushing to a cubicle every day that no longer fills me.
I’ve been feeling called to help my husband, to grow our church, be home for our boys and run our home.
Piled up dirty laundry, a house in disarray…which Mike assures me it is not so I’m not sure if its my OCD or reality, but I’m going with reality.
I’ve been praying for guidance with this. For God to show me which step to take. I’ve been praying for patience and faith as well.
So that’s where I’m at.
I’m running on empty, but looking towards the future and where it will lead me.