‘I will hold myself to a standard of grace, not perfection’
-anonymous.
grace: a divinely given talent or blessing.
grace: the free + unmerited favor of God.
perfection: the process of improving something until it is faultless or as faultless as possible.
i start with the above to be clear on what we’re comparing here.
grace: something given, free, unmerited; a blessing or talent.
perfection: a process; improving until faultless…..
well that sounds exhausting, no? + whose definition of “faultless” are we improving towards?
perfection. everyone wants it. the perfect job, the perfect house, the perfect spouse, the perfect kids, the perfect filter, the perfect photo, the perfect…..need i go on?
the problem with perfect is that its anything but. from the outside it may look like your whole life is in Valencia, but under the surface, is it blurry + out of focus? can you cover it up by adjusting the exposure, sharpening it a bit, throwing Hudson on top? maybe you can + maybe that tides you over for a few days, but once it gets lost in your feed, or falls victim to another social media algorithm, what are you left with?
trying to obtain perfection leaves you always trying.
it leaves you with a sense of never being enough, always needing to be better/the best + for what? why do we have this need to impress everyone. focusing on winning will burn you out + then what? you’re left feeling less than + not enough…ahem, where you were in the beginning!
now don’t go feeling down on yourself, or thinking that i’m any better bc i don’t hold myself to any of these standards bc then you’re definitely wrong!
my name is jillian + i’m a recovering perfectionist. it’s been 1 day since my last glass of perfection….ok, 2hrs….ok i’m lying again bc as i sit here writing this, i’m critiquing every letter i type. i’ve always wanted nothing more in life than to be perfect. i always catch myself thinking: why can’t i be more like so + so? how does she do it all? life would be so much EASIER if i had what so + so has.
why do i always have those thoughts? many reasons. for one, like i stated above, everyone can look perfect with the right tools. + two, i grew up always thinking i wasn’t enough + striving to impress to get praise. was there a day where it all just clicked + i got over it? no, i still struggle with it, but i just need to be more cognizant of it (GOOGLE COGNIZANT TO MAKE SURE I SPELLED IT RIGHT) <<< ——see? issues.
so how do we fix it? well for me, a few things help to pull me out of the hole i dig for myself in my head.
one – a great support system. i have an incredible husband, children, family + friends who are all my biggest supporters. was I an angel teenager or even adult? no way. have these people helped pick me up when i’ve been down, sure have! have they cheered me on when i’ve done even the littlest of things, absolutely! as a mother, i celebrate every moment + accomplishment for my boys. i want to encourage them, instill confidence + make them feel loved. i want them to feel pride when they’ve done well. on the flip side of that, i don’t break them down when they’ve messed up. i teach them how to do better + what accomplishment feels like. i want to build my children up with love + life lessons + encouragement + memories, not things.
another way i learn to fight the urge to be perfect? grace. to remember that i am exactly the way God wants me to be, fearfully + wonderfully made. the grace that God has given me is immeasurable. + by grace, i don’t mean luck. by grace, i mean strength on the worst of days, love when i wasn’t loving myself + comfort when i’m pushed to my limits.
so yeah, perfection SOUNDS good, but grace? favor?
pssshhh, you can keep your perfection.
xoxo, jillian
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